so the whole reason i was on myspace to begin with (see previous entry) was to find this. from 9th grade until about early 12th, i used to keep track of funny ims from my cousin dom (who has her own blog, crazybabylegs.com, but she doesnt update). shes kind of my own personal textsfromlastnight.com before there was a textsfromlastnight.com. she very rarely comes on aim anymore, so this is my personal archive. its long, but hilar
queenlaureniv: certain words
queenlaureniv: and theyre kinda stuck in your head
queenlaureniv: and you try to think of when to use them
ishotwillywonka1: haha hm
ishotwillywonka1: i dont know many words
ishotwillywonka1: exept like dog, cat, play
ishotwillywonka1: your gonna go to like the best college and live in a huge house spending your days at the country club and ill be living behind the dumps of mcD’s begging for one more quartar just so i can afford my egg mc muffin
queenlaureniv: english–huck finn
queenlaureniv: math–iforget
ishotwillywonka1: spanish-priceless
ishotwillywonka1: i thought vtech was like a game with animated people and cho was like a bad animal
queenlaureniv: what would you do if i sang out of tune
fatskaterone123: id kick your ass
queenlaureniv: he has one of those triangles
queenlaureniv: they use to ring for dinner
fatskaterone123: what the hell
queenlaureniv: to gather everyone around
fatskaterone123: does that mean its the end of the road for us…?
ishotwillywonka1: hahaha ok holdo on
ishotwillywonka1: my computer is gayy
ishotwillywonka1: actually homosexual
ishotwillywonka1: i caught him doing it with the pool boy
queenlaureniv: my dad is on a buisness trip
ishotwillywonka1: business trip, or lady affair time
ishotwillywonka1: jkk
ishotwillywonka1: its not realy funny, its kinda mean i said that
ishotwillywonka1: well its like some one saying my mom is going on a road trip and me being like ha i bet your worried she gonna get in a head on collision with an 18 wheeler right
ishotwillywonka1: ill mention something about sadd because appearently im a hardcore biinge drinker now
ishotwillywonka1: like i tried cutting my wrists with a sharp frito edge
ishotwillywonka1: so we get there and the kids kinda weird and looks half deaf
ishotwillywonka1: well i just threw up in your bird cage
queenlaureniv: do you have a picture
ishotwillywonka1: i dont show up in photos
ishotwillywonka1: i have a sudden urge to go to christmas mass
queenlaureniv: did you find your cellular device
ishotwillywonka1: it was in the ice cream freezer in the getty (yess i feel fat ) and then no joke the next damn day i did it again
ishotwillywonka1: like i have to take a shit and this is making the stool come out of me at fast speeds
ishotwillywonka1: did you rip his jersey off
ishotwillywonka1: he was standing naked in the rain
ishotwillywonka1: hopless and shirtless
ishotwillywonka1: dignity scrathed away bit by bit from the friction of this cruel and unfair place we call earth
queenlaureniv: i think my teacher would murder me if she saw
queenlaureniv: like publically humiliate me
queenlaureniv: shes the type
ishotwillywonka1: haha so would mine
ishotwillywonka1: she would stomp on it and yell like a wild horse
ishotwillywonka1: i was just destroying whats left of my toilet
ishotwillywonka1: rough day
queenlaureniv: LOL
queenlaureniv: do tell
ishotwillywonka1: hah no i just had to run the mile and every time after iu run i get the worst stomach ache everr like i think my uterus is eating itself and from 3rd perios on i juast keep shitting
ishotwillywonaka1: like a machine
ishotwillywonka1: your like a vagina dictionary
ishotwillywonka1: it feels like opposite sides of my uterus are at a civil war
ishotwillywonka1: if you ever smelled her breath
ishotwillywonka1: its like kitty litter mixed with indian food and poo
ishotwillywonka1: i write down quotes and im like yeahh this is wise
ishotwillywonka1: and then i look back at it and its always something like, my grilled cheese was cold
ishotwillywonka1: give them like toast and cereal and a glass of warm orange juice
ishotwillywonka1: WITH PULP
ishotwillywonka1: PULP IS THE ENEMY
^^ happy thanksgiving everyone
ishotgrandpajoe: omg, exactly who i wanted to see
ishotwillywonka1: hahaha omg!
ishotgrandpajoe: queenlauren doesnt work on my sidekick anylonger
ishotwillywonka1: the screename rises above the ashes and it LIVES!
ishotgrandpajoe: i saw that you called me twice two nights ago at 9:50pm
ishotwillywonka1: hah yes yes cause you called me i answered and heard weird noises
ishotwillywonka1: and was scared aliens were probing you
ishotwillywonka1: barbra makes lasagna all day with crazy oven mits
ishotwillywonka1: armi takes care of screaming filipino babies all day
ishotwillywonka1: bud is sucked into the great gravitational pull of marthas ass
ishotwillywonka1:your a lady pimp
ishotwillywonka1:which is frowned upon in new york state
ishotwillywonka1: but thats ok
queenlaureniv: are yall coming to my confirmation tonight
queenlaureniv: itll be boring
ishotwillywonka1: it wouldnt be boring if i farted loud in the middle
ishotwillywonka1: is there gonna be a preist there
queenlaureniv: no the bloods and the crips will be there to officially make me apart of the catholic church
[2 minutes later]
ishotwillywonka1: hahahah niceee withthe bloods and rips, i get your sarcasm
ishotwillywonka1: ya know what dinosour name scares me
ishotwillywonka1: raptor
ishotwillywonka1: i hate the word
queenlaureniv: i like brontosaurus
ishotwillywonka1: yeah me too
ishotwillywonka1: its peaceful
ishotwillywonka1: you have a reallly pretty face that one day i will peel off and wear (jk) (kinda)
queenlaureniv: i HaVe No ReGrEtSz
ishotwillywonka1: hahahi have one regret
ishotwillywonka1: it was meeting ted
ishotwillywonka1: thank god for that brown paper bag money..just gota mill of dat brown paper bag money..waht nigga u wana talk money…just got a hundred of dat brown paper bag money
ishotwillywonka1: teds away
queenlaureniv: i said my cousin dominique, who also doubles as my partner in [fighting] crime, was born shortly thereafter i.
ishotwillywonka1: yeahhhh
queenlaureniv: this relativity in age might explain why we today she continues to fart too close to my nose
queenlaureniv: and it sux
queenlaureniv: she might have developed this habit in her primary circular reaction phase, the second sub stage of piagets theory of cognitive development
ishotwillywonka1: hahahah
ishotwillywonka1: is the farting prt really in there
ishotwillywonka1: i didnt understand one word exept for fart
ishotwillywonka1: USE TH3 BR3ED = THE3 HAME N MAK UN SAND WITCH
ishotwillywonka1: i call this language
ishotwillywonka1: domspeak
ishotwillywonka1: and it like a 1985 version of the toilet zone
ishotwillywonka1: lolll wait i mean twilght zone
queenlaureniv: its 8 oclock and i need to write an english essay, study for math psychology and physics
queenlaureniv: do you want to be the one to end my life
ishotwillywonka1: HEY
ishotwillywonka1: dont talk like this in front of the children
ishotwillywonka1: their minds are like sponges
ishotwillywonka1: what did you paint your desk with
ishotwillywonka1: painti guess
ishotwillywonka1: that was a bad question
ishotwillywonka1: i didnt knwo you had a thing for him
ishotwillywonka1: what did ya do when you dound out he died
queenlaureniv: i didnt at all
queenlaureniv: but idk
queenlaureniv: as a celeb i could tolerate him
queenlaureniv: i gasped
queenlaureniv: and i like subconciously held my heart
queenlaureniv: idk why
queenlaureniv: it was a lil gay of me
ishotwillywonka1: haha no it wasnt
ishotwillywonka1: i did that when archie bunker from all in the famly died
ishotwillywonka1: tell her the name gabby reminds me of scabby, and scabs and pus
ishotwillywonka1: when in this whole ocnversation did i saw i did i say i didnt like a penis
ishotwillywonka1: whoops
queenlaureniv: 
ishotwillywonka1: i love the one with the guy with the mustache
queenlaureniv: CHRIS HANSEN
queenlaureniv: TO CATCH A PREDPRED
ishotwillywonka1: ohh its chris hanson
ishotwillywonka1: that disguise actully fooled me how sad d that
ishotwillywonka1: a drawn on muchache can fool me
ishotwillywonka1: i wana go outside and my moms like wait the movie is almost over so im in aruba stuck inthe hotel room waching richard gere take control of these burglars
queenlaureniv: LOLLLLLLLLLL
ishotwillywonka1: hah how sad is that
queenlaureniv: im serious you guys are the biggest movie people
ishotwillywonka1: haha my dad is completely obsessed with movies
ishotwillywonka1: me mom and nico are going dwn to the beach and my dads like glued to the tv watching CLAIR AS HEART on lifetime starring whoopie goldberg as a jamacan cleaning lady and my dad like yeah yeah ill be down in a minute, but he stays up there the full 2 hours to watch it
ishotwillywonka1: and then watches braveheart and didnt hardly get out side
ishotwillywonka1: hah omg i was in the shower today and i started to pee, which i do always, and then my new body wash fell under my pee stream and im like NOOO and i dive for it and im just running around trying to catch my bodywash while peeing evrytwhere
queenlaureniv: i can just imagine you pretty much swimming in a shallow sea or your own body soil, pp fluid and body wash
queenlaureniv: what kinda body wash was it
queenlaureniv: if its that philosphy one from sephora
queenlaureniv: i cant blame ya
ishotwillywonka1: haha no it was just regular body wash from hanaford
ishotwillywonka1: actually it was stuff so that my back doesnt get pimply
ishotwillywonka1: i admire your back
queenlaureniv: thanks
queenlaureniv: me too actually
queenlaureniv: i dont delight in it enough
ishotwillywonka1: i was putting sun tan lotion on your back one day and i was just thinking, this is the smoothest back ive ever felt
queenlaureniv: nobody is going to critisize you if you begin to care
ishotwillywonka1: honestly
queenlaureniv: and if your friends make comments like that
ishotwillywonka1: will you consider moving under my trundle bed
ishotwillywonka1: you know wha grinds my gears? named of lifetime movies
queenlaureniv: OMGG
queenlaureniv: wanna know my fave
queenlaureniv: AUGUSTA, GONE
ishotwillywonka1: haha i juts dislike them, mom at 16, not ready to be a mom, she didnt wann abe a mom, shed never thought shed be a mom
ishotwillywonka1: bastard outta carolina
queenlaureniv: 
ishotwillywonka1: hahha
ishotwillywonka1: loll
ishotwillywonka1: would that be funnier if i knew what a circulatory system was
ishotwillywonka1: she crumbles all the food in my bed so when i lay down im being stabbed by shards of pringle glass
queenlaureniv: guess what im doing
ishotwillywonka1: squat thrusts
ishotwillywonka1: i am going to go to college in a barn
ishotwillywonka1: i love a good hula hoop.
ishotwillywonka1: i came second in a hula hoop contest
ishotwillywonka1: the girl who won had broken ribs, how sad is that
ishotwillywonka1: and no intestine
ishotwillywonka1: ohh
ishotwillywonka1: my
ishotwillywonka1: hog
ishotwillywonka1: hah i meant to say god
ishotwillywonka1: our gene pool is the scene in caddyshack where all the naked people run outta the pool cause bill murry has to eat a babe ruth in the pool
queenlaureniv: 
ishotwillywonka1: that how kids in my school act during fire drills
ishotwillywonka1: i wish i knew robert plant beforre his sac turned gray
ishotwillywonka1: ive had to change my underwear 3 times ive farted so much
ishotwillywonka1: the fibers were saturated with fart
August 17th, 2009 at 10:28 am
This is honestly the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. It made my day. You go Glen Coco .
P.S. OP is a faggot