my sweet boy junior, who i mention frequently, has passed away. i came home for the weekend and ran up the stairs screaming “POOPIE!!!! ITS MOMMY!” and i stepped in my doorway and he was flat on his back. it was just last monday i talked about how i taught him to flap his wings on command. talk about the surprise of a lifetime.

i could vomit up my insides from all the crying i’ve done in the past hour. nobody knows what to say because it wasn’t like he was a family pet. he was mine, my son. i feel like sally fields in steel magnolias when she’s like “no no no! i was supposed to go first! i was ready to go first!” i definitely have said before that i know he will live to be 25 (i think i even mentioned it a few entrys ago). i still can’t believe this even though i look like bear grylls after he got stung by a bee (made that joke before but its true) and this headache is seeping through every nerve ending in my skull.

its so weird to look over at him (he’s wrapped in a blankie) and see all the life gone from his chirpy face. its just so…abnormal. he just has this omnipresence so that even when i am 300 miles away in the adirondacks, i feel like he is right next to me shaking his tail-feather. i figured i would write about it because i find it to be cathartic. sorry if this entry is a piece of crap/completely ineloquent but i don’t give a (bird)shit about how it sounds. this is such a mindfuck. if anything i would have expected capri or burt to die (sorry) because they go outside and they can get hit by cars. he was in his cage!

i really don’t think there are that many people who will be able to get it. as much as i believe God has blessed me with lots of great peeps in my life, i never have a lot people over my place or go party-hardy 24/7. im a wee bit of a homebody and junior has always been there to just keep me company. im not really sure what im going to do when i go home now. he lived in my room and im going to miss so much having him wake me up by whistling or flying over on my bed. i cant even think about buying another bird right now.

when we bury him in our backyard tomorrow, i am definitely throwing myself on his casket. and then i am whipping out my bum playlist like there is no tomorrow.

some entrys on my son (i wont call him my pet because i feel like he was more than that. i sound like a typical animal mourner. ITS TRUE THOUGH):

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/10/tweet/

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/10/1434/

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/08/chirp/ (i could seriously throw myself off a bridge after reading this. holy crap i am grieving like a mofo right now)

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/04/067/ (i could also off myself after this one too)

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/02/046/

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/01/021-2/

i feel like joking in this entry probably doesn’t get the point across that this is seriously affecting me. i am emotionally vulnerable so if anyone plans on taking advantage of me, its now. harrrrr har