happy valentines day! i hope everyone had a wonderful day  having sexytime with their significant others or reading through craigslist missed connections like i did (it was only for 5 minutes, im half ashamed). i just finished customizing my real doll named “michael” (jk) and watching cake boss while using my new shake weight. the shake weight is…phallic:

hopefully i won’t have to take this off of youtube because of perverts because i would love to save it for future suitors who are debating whether or not to take my hand[y] in marriage. am i being suggestive enough? abstinence is hilarious. last week was sexuality week at my school and i went to a q&a session with my friends and as it turns out, most women don’t climax through intercourse. at first we were like

but we were sadly corrected:

as a virg, this spurned more anger from me

i got over it.

anyways, tonight i am probably going to consist of doing homework and watching bootleg movies off the internet. and not eating chocolate, because chocolate is DISGUSTING. i am not a real woman, don’t remind me. happy valentines day!