today marks three weeks of being twenty. today i ate half a bag of wasabi peas (mistake #1) and drank only coffee (mistake #2) which caused me to shit so violently i tired myself out. this onset of fatigue and dehydration has lead to the first of many existential crises that i believe will facilitate [...]
april is a lovely month. it’s the first foray into spring since most of march doesn’t really count, and there are a number of great holidays to celebrate along the way. let’s reflect: april fools day! how did you prank your friends and loved ones? i texted my dad to tell him about my plans [...]
i’ve used yahoo.com as my homepage since the dawn of my internet life. here’s some meaningless commentary on some of my favorite and least favorite headlines: i can attest to the need to take charge of my love life because if i left it in the hands of all the wonderful undergraduate males at school, [...]
long time, no see. i’m actually trying to curb the use of that idiom. every time i say it, this overwhelming feeling of l’esprit d’escalier inhabits my soul and i wish i said something better. the aforementioned is the last time it will ever cross my lips/keyboard. let’s play a rousing game of “have you [...]
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does this mean jesse eisenberg will portray me in a david fincher film? i personally would prefer don cheadle. get ready to experience the most secondhand embarrassment ever. your cheeks will be flushed red with the knowledge that i once was (and who are we kidding, still am) the biggest weirdo on this planet. onward! aol [...]
january: welcome to the family, curtis jackson servideo! you’ve officially ruined burt’s (our other feline companion) life! also, rip to everyone who perished (ugly word) in the haitian earthquake. my thoughts and prayers are with you all. february: went on chatroulette a lot this month. dyed the ends of my hair blonde but in no [...]
i mishear everything because i am: 1) deaf 2) an idiot my cousin dom and i have composed an ongoing list of all the lyrics i have screwed up, videos included: thom yorke’s lyrics: “but i’m a creep/ i’m a weirdo” my lyrics: “but i’m a creep/ i’m a winner” biggie/bone thugs and harmony lyrics: [...]
i say it all the time: i love crying at movies. weird? yeah, absolutely. i’m an even bigger masochist than christian bale in that movie called THE MASOCHIST (THE MACHINIST, THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW YOU BONERS) but it’s just so cathartic. the one movie that makes me cry every time is the notebook. i [...]
mom, dad, future employers, and a certain english teacher from my old high school: please refrain from reading this blog entry. sincerely, THE MANAGEMENT i typically wear soft, cushy underwear because i sport dresses on an almost daily basis, and GOD forbid i have an unwanted marilyn monroe moment in windy upstate new york, [...]