i could vomit up my insides from all the crying i’ve done in the past hour. nobody knows what to say because it wasn’t like he was a family pet. he was mine, my son. i feel like sally fields in steel magnolias when she’s like “no no no! i was supposed to go first! i was ready to go first!” i definitely have said before that i know he will live to be 25 (i think i even mentioned it a few entrys ago). i still can’t believe this even though i look like bear grylls after he got stung by a bee (made that joke before but its true) and this headache is seeping through every nerve ending in my skull.

its so weird to look over at him (he’s wrapped in a blankie) and see all the life gone from his chirpy face. its just so…abnormal. he just has this omnipresence so that even when i am 300 miles away in the adirondacks, i feel like he is right next to me shaking his tail-feather. i figured i would write about it because i find it to be cathartic. sorry if this entry is a piece of crap/completely ineloquent but i don’t give a (bird)shit about how it sounds. this is such a mindfuck. if anything i would have expected capri or burt to die (sorry) because they go outside and they can get hit by cars. he was in his cage!

i really don’t think there are that many people who will be able to get it. as much as i believe God has blessed me with lots of great peeps in my life, i never have a lot people over my place or go party-hardy 24/7. im a wee bit of a homebody and junior has always been there to just keep me company. im not really sure what im going to do when i go home now. he lived in my room and im going to miss so much having him wake me up by whistling or flying over on my bed. i cant even think about buying another bird right now.

when we bury him in our backyard tomorrow, i am definitely throwing myself on his casket. and then i am whipping out my bum playlist like there is no tomorrow.

some entrys on my son (i wont call him my pet because i feel like he was more than that. i sound like a typical animal mourner. ITS TRUE THOUGH):

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/10/tweet/

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/10/1434/

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/08/chirp/ (i could seriously throw myself off a bridge after reading this. holy crap i am grieving like a mofo right now)

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/04/067/ (i could also off myself after this one too)

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/02/046/

http://itslaurenservideo.com/2009/01/021-2/

i feel like joking in this entry probably doesn’t get the point across that this is seriously affecting me. i am emotionally vulnerable so if anyone plans on taking advantage of me, its now. harrrrr har

we stopped in manhattan for a bit and when i was walking down broadway i ran into angela!! hi angela!! you rock \m/\m/

so yesterday marked the final episode (ever) of my favorite show in the entire world, boys before flowers. i just want it to be known that i cry at movies/tv shows a lot, but its always to an extent. like, whenever i watch the notebook the tears flow a little. my eyes watered when i watched bambi. but i have never in my entire life bawled like i did yesterday. ya know sometimes when you cry so hard you have to make sobbing noises? well…yeah. they were totally tears of joy.  i was going to take a picture because i looked like i had just broken up with my boyfriend but i opted out of it. actually, if youre really interested in seeing, it was remniscent of:

 ”IM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION” 

the ending was good, it was what i anticipated but it was still infinitely better than this: 

im really going to miss that show and all its ups and downs!! but im totally going to watch it again so im not going to get too sappy

oh yeah by the way, haters can SUCK IT just because you think youre better me because you watch ~american television!! CASE IN POINT: ROCK OF LOVE, ROCK OF LOVE BUS

i feel like i had something else to say. oh, i know!! TODAY IS MY BIRD JUNIORS 11th BIRTHDAY

my dad is a total animal lover and when i was 5 he bought me a parrot named abby. she was a girl and she didnt bite me the way junior did. we used to clip her wings and let her go outside to sit in a tree out front at our old house. i recall when she flew away..my dad used to get this long birch stick to get her down and i think it scared her and she flew away. i dont remember being devastated but it did suck. maybe a few months after she flew away we went to a special bird store that was on state st. there was this really gorgeous cinnamon cockatiel there that was a girl but she was only two weeks old. i wouldnt have been able to take her home for another couple of weeks because she still needed her mommy. then i looked at this weird fishtank full of birds. all of their tails were short and stubby. i asked the woman why, and she said that all the birds chewed off each others tail feathers (lol). i felt so bad that i took one of them home,and that one was junior. 

his full name is junior fuce servideo (dont ask where the fuce came from, i was kinda out there). he isnt very smart. he is afraid of his own feathers but will walk all over the cat and the dog. he eats everything he isnt supposed to (cheerios, spaghetti, waffles) and poops on EVERYTHING if you let him out of his cage for a second. but he is soooo funny and he is like my own child. he is sooo spoiled. chelsea malone is his godmother. 

after his bath, o yeah

HOW IS EVERYONE FEELING SO FAR? HAPPY, SAD? IN LOVE???

plans for today: go on a date with my bird. i will feed him spaghetti

“babe, im gonna leave you” by led zep just came on itunes shuffle. wow, obvious foreshadowing. 

fun fact: my confirmation name is valentine. 

so to all the single ladies who are still bitter about being alone, this is a gif to make you feel worse since you didn’t listen to me in my prior valentines day post about being HAPPY on VDAY. LOOK AT HOW MUCH THEY ARE IN LOVE…AND HOW MUCH YOU ARE NOT. 

i was making cards yesterday and looking for variations of “roses are red violets are blue” when i stumbled upon yahoo answers (best site ever) and um…look at this beauty:

Roses are red,
violets are blue.
I’m a schizophrenic, 
and so am I.

so i guess not only are birds a bunch of lil winged steve irwins, but dwight schrutes too. you know how dwight always refers to himself as assistant regional manager when in actuality he is assistant to the regional manager? thats how birds are. they think they are higher up but dont realize that in actuality, they cant even control their own bowel movements. which in my book, makes birds (especially my own) better than your dog.

MOVING ON…

everyone already knows why i like paige, so, today on this segment of PEOPLE I LIKE, i am throwing an internet celebration to say goodbye to my one and only pp/peapod

when paige told me she was dropping creative writing 2nd quarter AND advertising, these were my expressions:

i was so devasted.

“whyyyy!” i shouted. paige rolled her eyes (as per usual). 

“i get to come in 4th period YAYYYYAYYY” was her response. 

after contemplating what to do with the rest of my life (since this means i will never see her again), i decided it was a time to be happy. SO NOW I AM THROWING A GOING AWAY e-PARTY FOR PAIGE RUECKERT

I WILL BRING THE DRINKS…

..AND THE FOOD

..AND THE DANCING

HAVE FUN